Running on Fumes and First World Rage


An animated gif of two baby chinchillas sitting in wine glasses. Popping their little heads up and giving each other whiskery kisses.[Because cute. Chinchillas are the best. Yes, I am a biased pet owner.]

This week, I don’t even know where to begin. I know you’re probably thinking “… hot damn, woman, don’t you ever have a normal week?” I swear to Gods I do. I just haven’t had one in the last month or so (at least it feels that way). I haven’t written at all this week – besides this blog and a bit of journaling – and I am honestly too tired to give a shit right now.

If I wasn’t worried about Ongoing Family Stuff, stressing over my first therapist visit, stressing over my pending psychiatrist visit or feeling ill (yay side effects!), I was having my website fucked up by the same people who are supposed to provide me with technical support. Mind you, I realize that whining about a broken website and having access to mental healthcare is a problem of the First World Order, I would just like to state – for the record – that I do not give a fuck right now. I will later, but not now.

While I’m working off a purchased template, I’ve put a lot of time and effort into customizing this site. Researching and implementing code, as well as doing my best trying to fix all the shit I’ve broken, while implementing said code. To have my “technical support” guru then come in and fuck with things like my link colors, my blog metadata and my custom fucking menus – all if which have nothing to do with what I requested – is enough to make me wanna throw things and cry.

If it weren’t for my amazingly intrepid friend Kelly, web designer and owner of NerdyOne Squared, you’d be looking at a (more) fubared version of this blog. We’ve spent much of this weekend getting the site back up to scratch, and the repairs are still on going. Hopefully by the end of the week, I’ll have everything back in the proper order.

On a happier note, my first appointment with my psychologist was brilliant. Several days later, I still feel weird saying this, but it was truly enjoyable. Unlike the psychiatrist, I feel like I can let my hair down (metaphorically, ’cause it’s short) with Doctor L. I feel like I can breathe and be myself, and share what I’m feeling without fear of judgement. The psychiatrist’s office is like walking into a dark cave – seriously, it’s like the doctors don’t believe in real light – and the minute I sit down, everything in my head and chest just freezes. And all the things I wanted to say fall out of my head.

But, back to the doctor I like; she was pretty damn amazing. She was opened, kind, non-judgmental. Not to mention we shared a good laugh or two, and she wasn’t afraid to drop a curse word or crack a damn smile. So, I’m looking forward to the next visit. It was especially uplifting to just get to talk with someone and feel heard. To not have to fight for attention with their phone, or the TV or anyone else. For that one hour a week, I get to converse with someone about what’s running around in my head.

It’s a powerful feeling.

Side effects with Wellbutrin SR (the generic version) have been getting to me a lot, and I look forward to switching to Lexapro this coming week. I’m hoping that Lexapro is a better fix for my needs, and in combination with talk therapy, I’ll be able to make some more progress with writing.

I did finally crack open Shadow of Mordor – which I’ve had since Yule – and get almost three hours under my belt. After the first hour, where I felt like I was getting the shit beat out of me constantly (because I was), I worried that I wouldn’t pick it up again because it was too challenging. But, I waited a couple of days and – after a bit of research where I learned I wasn’t alone in my struggles – I tried again and I’ve really begun enjoying it.

As much as one can enjoy murdering Uruk and Orc and various other angry, murderous, gross things. Which is “a lot”, for me. I’m still getting stuck in spots, one General in particular has killed me two or three times, because I find myself in the middle of a pile of his minions. He’s real cocky about it, too. He gains more power every time he takes me down (and he remembers which is rather embarrassing) which makes him more challenging to beat. I’m itching to find a Caragor to ride so we can find the mouthy pile of spikes, and I can let my furry ATV eat his ugly head like a lollipop. 😀

On that mildly graphic note, I’m going to sign off and head to bed. Looking forward to a better week. If you’d like to see the long list of how my week went, task wise, click the heading below and itself unfold in all it’s busy, overly decorated glory.

The Week in Achievements

ROW80Logocopy.jpg


Categories: Gaming, INFJ, Life, Shadow of Mordor, Writing
Tags: ,

7 Responses so far.

  1. Owen O'Neill says:

    I have a sorta “hate-hate” relationship with CSS. (Well, not really. But but kinda) Using CSS for displaying text is great and fine, but then they started using it for layout and things got really weird. There got to be this idea out there that you *had* to CSS for *everything*. Again, it’s the “rule” thing. HTML tables were passe, or had cooties of something, and no one would go to your site if you had cooties. I just use the code that most compact, and displayed most reliably in most browsers. Sometimes that’s CSS. Sometimes it’s tables.

    But things kept getting weirder and I got tired of trying to keep up with who was doing what with browsers and especially mobile devices. It was like a bunch of kindergarteners fighting over a box of crayons: each was gonna just use his special crayons to render everything. So between that and JavaScript (which I don’t know — I know PHP OK but I just can’t deal with JavaScript) I decided to drop the whole thing and write books.

    But I think a little CSS knowledge will take you a long way. The really elaborate stuff rarely gets used.

    No, I’m not on ROW80. I actually didn’t know what it was until I visited here. And thanks for letting me comment. 🙂

  2. I learned HTML coding back in … 2003, so I like to say I “know just enough to get myself in trouble.” 😀 I’d like to learn CSS one day, but I admit it intimidates the pants off me. HTML is clean and easy for me, without the fuss of fancy terms. Thanks, again, for taking the time to comment. Are you part of ROW80 as well? I looked for a blog in the linky list, but none of them seemed like yours.

  3. Owen O'Neill says:

    Once upon a time, I built (and rebuilt) websites. (I still host a few.) And I got pretty much all my business because of people like your tech support guy. Sometimes I think these people just believe their clients are too ignorant to know the difference.

    But I’m glad you are getting things squared away. Life in the WWW got too weird and wild for me and I gave it up a few years ago. A modern website would likely give me a migraine.

    And someone you can talk to like that is awesome. All the best there!

  4. Aww, I’m delighted to have made you laugh. 😀 No, thankfully, I didn’t have to pay for the “support”. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment! I hope you have a good week, too.

  5. Omg. I too would be infuriated if I’d spent a bunch of time working on my site and someone came along and messed with it. GRRR! I hope you didn’t have to pay this person. I hope they paid you.

    Your blog post was hilarious and entertaining! Best of luck with your other writing this week.

  6. Hi!

    Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. I’m using the plug-in called Peekaboo and so far it’s pretty awesome. It’s not been updated in the last few years, but I’ve had no trouble with it.

    It took me a minute to wrap my head around how best to use it, but now I love it. It’s great for hiding lists, spoilers, or just shit people might not like. 😀 If you have any trouble setting it up, let me know.

  7. shanjeniah says:

    Umm, who’s Will? Shakespeare? Riker? Wheaton -no, wait, he’s only got one ‘l’….

    Oh. Sorry. Didn’t see you there.

    Also sorry about all the angst going on. I hope that one hour of someone you can really talk to, and the meds, help with whatever it is you’re going through – and that you get the rest of the kinks worked out on the blog…

    And, as a fellow huge-lister (yes, it’s a thing – I just made it up!), I’m mightily impressed at how your list popped up on the page when I clicked. PLEASE tell me what magic you used to make that so – unless it was the One Ring. I’m not messing with THAT.

    I would find that information helpful on so many, many levels! If it’s a coding trick, I’m willing to learn…if it’s a spell, I’ll speak it….I think I might even be in love with it.

    I know I’ve been awake too long. I’m not making much sense, am I?

    I hope at least I was entertaining! Wishes for a much more wonderful this week!