This week, I don’t even know where to begin. I know you’re probably thinking “… hot damn, woman, don’t you ever have a normal week?” I swear to Gods I do. I just haven’t had one in the last month or so (at least it feels that way). I haven’t written at all this week – besides this blog and a bit of journaling – and I am honestly too tired to give a shit right now.
If I wasn’t worried about Ongoing Family Stuff, stressing over my first therapist visit, stressing over my pending psychiatrist visit or feeling ill (yay side effects!), I was having my website fucked up by the same people who are supposed to provide me with technical support. Mind you, I realize that whining about a broken website and having access to mental healthcare is a problem of the First World Order, I would just like to state – for the record – that I do not give a fuck right now. I will later, but not now.
While I’m working off a purchased template, I’ve put a lot of time and effort into customizing this site. Researching and implementing code, as well as doing my best trying to fix all the shit I’ve broken, while implementing said code. To have my “technical support” guru then come in and fuck with things like my link colors, my blog metadata and my custom fucking menus – all if which have nothing to do with what I requested – is enough to make me wanna throw things and cry.
If it weren’t for my amazingly intrepid friend Kelly, web designer and owner of NerdyOne Squared, you’d be looking at a (more) fubared version of this blog. We’ve spent much of this weekend getting the site back up to scratch, and the repairs are still on going. Hopefully by the end of the week, I’ll have everything back in the proper order.
On a happier note, my first appointment with my psychologist was brilliant. Several days later, I still feel weird saying this, but it was truly enjoyable. Unlike the psychiatrist, I feel like I can let my hair down (metaphorically, ’cause it’s short) with Doctor L. I feel like I can breathe and be myself, and share what I’m feeling without fear of judgement. The psychiatrist’s office is like walking into a dark cave – seriously, it’s like the doctors don’t believe in real light – and the minute I sit down, everything in my head and chest just freezes. And all the things I wanted to say fall out of my head.
But, back to the doctor I like; she was pretty damn amazing. She was opened, kind, non-judgmental. Not to mention we shared a good laugh or two, and she wasn’t afraid to drop a curse word or crack a damn smile. So, I’m looking forward to the next visit. It was especially uplifting to just get to talk with someone and feel heard. To not have to fight for attention with their phone, or the TV or anyone else. For that one hour a week, I get to converse with someone about what’s running around in my head.
It’s a powerful feeling.
Side effects with Wellbutrin SR (the generic version) have been getting to me a lot, and I look forward to switching to Lexapro this coming week. I’m hoping that Lexapro is a better fix for my needs, and in combination with talk therapy, I’ll be able to make some more progress with writing.
I did finally crack open Shadow of Mordor – which I’ve had since Yule – and get almost three hours under my belt. After the first hour, where I felt like I was getting the shit beat out of me constantly (because I was), I worried that I wouldn’t pick it up again because it was too challenging. But, I waited a couple of days and – after a bit of research where I learned I wasn’t alone in my struggles – I tried again and I’ve really begun enjoying it.
As much as one can enjoy murdering Uruk and Orc and various other angry, murderous, gross things. Which is “a lot”, for me. I’m still getting stuck in spots, one General in particular has killed me two or three times, because I find myself in the middle of a pile of his minions. He’s real cocky about it, too. He gains more power every time he takes me down (and he remembers which is rather embarrassing) which makes him more challenging to beat. I’m itching to find a Caragor to ride so we can find the mouthy pile of spikes, and I can let my furry ATV eat his ugly head like a lollipop. 😀
On that mildly graphic note, I’m going to sign off and head to bed. Looking forward to a better week. If you’d like to see the long list of how my week went, task wise, click the heading below and itself unfold in all it’s busy, overly decorated glory.