In Which I Over Extrovert Myself


I almost got to the bottom of this post – about 450 words – before I found the point of this entry. It’s not so much “surprising” that I do this and more like “completely and utterly normal”. It’s a rare thing for me to have a fully-formed blog topic before I take to the page. This is also why writing takes so damned long. Perfectionism aside, I’m like a cartographer marking down interesting places as I find them, rather than working from a completed map.

I was also that kid in high-school writing the entire paper, editing it and then only writing up an outline because it was required for the assignment. I like figuring out where I’m going on paper, rather than trying to preplan the adventure.

Anyway, back to the main topic, I’ve feeling quite tired and grouchy tonight, almost tumbling head first into a depressive hole. But – thanks to those 450 words – most of which I’m probably scrapping, I was able to identify why I was feeling this way.

The answer being: Surprise! Jess forgot to take care of herself, again.

Self-care is something I struggle with. I’m the type of person that always thinks I’m being too lazy and not doing enough, that I should constantly be be working on something. And if it’s six things, all the better. This is why I’ve made it a point to stop multitasking, or – at the very least – limit it as much as I can. I don’t read if I’m watching a show, or if I’m reading I get away from the TV. I rarely, if ever, have my face in phone at dinner. And if I’m working on a blog [like now] I’ll have an ASMR video or music in the background, but I won’t pay attention to the visuals.

I especially try to be gentle with myself when ovulation and my cycle roll around. It usually wipes me out and I do my best to not schedule too much. But this week, I over scheduled and I’m feeling the fatigue big time now. I feel like I could sleep for about two weeks. I slept from Midnight until 3:30 PM today, and I think nearly scared the bejesus out of my family.

I didn’t realize how full this week has been until I sat down to think about it.

Monday wasOlive Garden girls night with my Mom, baby sister and a dear friend. It was great, we picked our guest up around 4:30 and didn’t get home until …9:30? It may have been earlier, it may have been later; I just remember I didn’t feel like I’d really “wound down” until at least 11 PM. So that was several hours of conversation, extroverting, being in a busy place, eating lots of tasty rich food, and having some alcohol. [Iced tea with limoncello is my new favorite thing.]

I had a great time and would gladly do it again, even though I got a headache toward the end. Though within a very short window of being settled at home, it completely disappeared without the use of any plan killers. I firmly believe it came on, at least in part, due to the heavy amount of extroverting and socializing I did.

The following day I wasn’t feeling well, so I showered, dressed and had an emergency acupuncture appointment. Thankfully, it helped a lot and has continued to help for the rest of this week. On Wednesday I had my regular chiropractor appointment – he also does my acupuncture – and Mom did some last minute babysitting for a friend. Which, you guessed it! Means more extroverting. Whenever they’re are kids in the house – especially kids who aren’t my niece and nephews, and thus don’t understand how Miss Jessie works – it means my extroversion skills work overtime.

Today (Thursday) was meant to be my Recovery Day. Except … I forgot. After sleeping in very late, and feeling somewhat guilty, I shifted into “work” mode after the house cleared out. Which means I finished cleaning my office, fixed my Author page so it looks proper and pretty again, dealt with some minor phone tag with the car dealership, completely emptied out my Downloads folder of an estimated 100 files, cleared 400+ files off of my desktop [with 200 left to go] and hung out with my kiddos for a bit. Oh yeah, I ate two meals, made sure my cats were fed and took my meds, too.

That might not seem like a lot to a “normal” person, but as some who’s naturally introverted and has: handled kids in the house three out of four days this week, been dressed and functional enough to leave the house three out of four days this week, and is due to start my cycle at the end of this week … that is a BIG DAMN DEAL.

I’ve now also written a blog that taken [roughly] 1200 words between two drafts and two and a half hours worth of writing. So! If I do nothing this weekend but manage to shower once, read a lot, hang out with my babies and squeeze in some video gaming [I’ll try to get outside for some fresh air, too, but let’s not bank on it …] I’ll consider it a super successful weekend.

Oh crap, I forgot we’re having back-to-back sleepovers today and tomorrow, plus little sister is having a friend over tomorrow evening and there’s a chance they might want to use my Play Stations to game.

Let’s hope Sunday will be quiet, yes?

Categories: Illness, Life
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